Thanks for stopping by.
You are here because you are a curious individual. There is a spark within your human mind that wonders: what mustard best pairs with my favorite music? That is an excellent question. Unfortunately, up until now, this question has only been rhetorical. Parents and influencers have been too afraid to answer this question due to the potential uproar. They understand that hell has no fury like an unregulated internet comment section.
Before we dig in further, Mustard believes it is important to highlight their many delicious varieties:
- Yellow mustard
- Dijon mustard
- Spicy brown mustard
- Honey mustard
- Whole grain mustard
- English mustard
- German mustard
Those are only some of their varieties. Ketchup may have more sugar and be more popular among small humans, but it lacks the versatility of a mustard. This guide will examine each of the mustards above and pair them with a certain genre and mood. Let’s begin.
Yellow Mustard is a classic condiment. They can often be found on hot dogs, hamburgers, and as a stain on your white t-shirt. Humans often use it during patriotic holidays such as the Fourth of July. The music that best pairs with this condiment is: classic rock or whatever is on the Billboard top 40. Yellow mustard is used often during large social events (or gatherings), and these events often have popular music playing. Unless your human father gains control of the music. Then you can bet your stomach you will soon be listening to some classic rock as they pound down a Natural Light and complain about the HOA.
Here are some albums that pair well with Yellow mustard:
Dijon mustard is bourgeois. They have requested not to be consumed by poor common folk. Their flavor is far too refined for the palate of a peasant. Your lack of a suit, black tie, and wealth inherited by your parents indicates to this condiment that you are not successful; therefore, you do not deserve the honor of eating it. Dijon do not care if it is your birthday or anniversary. Your lower-class status revolts them. The music that best pairs with this condiment is classical. We recommend eating this condiment while attending a charity gala or auction. You may feel more charitable doing so.
Here are some albums that pair well with Dijon mustard:
(for when you lose out to a bid at the auction)
Spicy brown mustard is HOT. They are the Instagram bikini model of the condiment world. Their poor comment section is flooded by bots and creeps. Even though this condiment is considered hot by conventional standards, they try their best to remain humble. As they often say, “It is not I who put these ingredients together.” This ability to reflect often takes its date by surprise. The music that best pairs with this condiment is cumbia. Their spice will have you shaking on both the kitchen and dance floor.
Here are some albums that pair well with Spicy brown mustard:
Honey Mustard is the sweetest condiment of the group. Something about them absolutely charms you. They are playful and whimsical. You just want to be their best friend. This is a condiment you would not ghost or leave on read. Doing so will make you feel a lot of guilt. The type of music that best pairs with this condiment is Japanese City Pop.
Here are some Japanese City Pop albums that pair well with Honey Mustard:
Whole grain mustard is not afraid to express what is on their cap. This condiment does not shy away from sharing their opinion. Whether you want to hear it or not. Within the condiment community, they have been described as “The Twitter of Condiments.” Depending on what corner of that website you visit, that description can be considered either positive or negative. It is safe to say they are quite polarizing. The music that best pairs with Whole grain mustard is metal. Their bitter flavor and sometimes crunchy texture make a perfect match for a genre that your conservative grandparents call “sinful.”
Here are some Metal albums that pair well with Whole Grain mustard:
Like Spicy brown mustard, English Mustard also packs quite a kick. They have been known for shaking their bottles aggressively at Nazi’s and protesting fascism. English Mustard does not associate themselves with anyone who calls football soccer. Anyone who considers them a fan of the Manchester City football league also disgusts them. The music that best pairs with English mustard is ska and punk. Eating this condiment will inspire you to skank within your local community and advocate for policies that better benefit everyone.
Here are some Ska and punk albums that pair well with English mustard:
Our final variety of mustard is German mustard. German mustard has the potential to be spicy due to the use of horseradish. They also have the potential to be sweet, depending on what brand you get. German mustard can often be found improving the flavor of ham. Ham by itself is gross, but thanks to German mustard, this meat actually becomes enjoyable to eat. The music that best pairs well with this condiment is Jazz. Like German mustard, Jazz has the ability to shock your taste buds and take you in various directions.
Here are some Jazz albums that pair well with German mustard:
Mustard hopes you find this guide helpful. Condiments are more than just something you put on a porcelain or paper plate. They, like you, each have their own distinct personality. We hope this guide gives you a new perspective on how you view condiments and the possibilities that they bring to not only your meal but also your music library.
Please let Mustard (and START-TRACK) know if any of these albums made an impression on you. We are excited to hear if you listened to these suggestions while eating one of Mustard’s many tasty varieties. Feel free to print out this guide and share it with your friends and family. They will be grateful to receive a guide that helps elevate their condiment selection experience.
Written by JustSomeMustard
