Singer-songwriter and self-described one-man-band How to Care for Flowers brings us a deep-cutting EP with the release of “a lack of imMErsion”. With two previous releases of a self-titled EP and a second EP, “For a Brief Moment I Felt the Sun’s Warmth, and Now the Cold Stings Worse Than It Ever Did Before” in July of 2023, Ryan Kelly of How to Care for Flowers comes into his own artistically with a collection of four tracks that truly blew me away. I do not often say this, but when listening to “a lack of imMErsion” for the first time, I felt as if I had discovered some grand, sparkling jewel hidden in the back corners of a dusty closet. On multiple occasions, Kelly’s musical mastery had left me wide-eyed and slack-jawed; this EP is a work of genius and love for the screamo metal genre.
The EP’s first track, “to die in dreams or live in fear”, starts softly with gentle Celesta-like synths through fuzzy lo-fi filtering. First in disarray, the scurrying melodies begin to coalesce under samples of birdsong into something more orderly and clear, expanding and building upon itself—even falling into a brief decrescendo before hitting an earth-shattering crescendo to introduce Kelly’s slick tenor vocals. Each track on this EP paints a different portrait with its lyrics and sounds; this first track shows us a performer waiting behind a curtain onstage, unable to shake the nerves and apprehension inherent to the vulnerability of baring one’s heart before a crowd.
“(I’ve been rehearsing for days, and it’s been going so great…
but I still crave the opposite state).”
“I curse this script through pursed lips; I’m nervous.”
Of course, we can connect the feeling described in this piece to its author after the release of How to Care for Flowers’ first and second EP in 2019 and 2023, respectively. Well-deserved success does not always act as a propellant for the ego of a conscientious artist, instead becoming the catalyst for doubt in one’s own abilities, accomplishments, and worth. Paradoxical though this mindset is, it is often evident in those keenly aware of their position as a successful artist, one entirely dependent on the rulings of the court of public opinion. How to Care for Flowers benefits, however, from the separation of artist and appreciator through the art itself: is this, in fact, a reflection of Ryan Kelly’s genuine feelings? Or is this instead nothing but the portrait of the anxiety-riddled performer, as alleged earlier, painted for our consideration and admiration?
“A child’s face in the mirror, he never faced his fears.”
The second track of this EP, “yu yevon (no longer human) [A LACK OF IMmeRSION]” hits hard and heavy right away with drums running at a breakneck pace as electric guitar and sine-wave synth lead us into the song’s chord progression. The speed and upbeat tone of Ryan Kelly’s instrumental matches the melodic tone of his vocals while contrasting the dismal language used in his lyrics. Here, How to Care for Flowers portrays the burden of masking depression to seemingly no avail, as the narrator only slinks further and further into isolation. In the song’s first stanzas, Kelly mixes screaming and singing to contrast the internal self-monologue:
[1]”Trapped in such deep introspection./Devoid of connection,”
[2]”Isolation pre-destined, the emptiest stage is where I stage my dissection.”
And the corresponding external action:
[1]”I built walls for my protection.”
[2]”And my hands are shaking. Is everything here, is it mine for the taking?”
Kelly even makes use of heavy distortion and pitch-shifting in the following verse, which even addresses (or further toys with) our earlier question regarding the degrees of separation between artist and appreciator through art:
“Save me, I cannot save myself./I’ve been crying all alone in hell/since the fourth wall fell. (This is not a metaphor, I’m begging for…)”
The ‘fourth wall’ here is invoked as a turn of phrase referring to the imaginary wall between performers and the audience, while also acting as a lyrical callback to the earlier invocation of “building walls” in reference to becoming more socially closed-off and guarded. As drums roll into a crescendo from the electric guitars, Kelly makes a specific reference that ties back to the song’s title:
“Final Fantasy X, I feel like Yu Yevon summoning Sin again, I’m trying to find heaven.”
This is referring to Yu Yevon, the antagonist of the tenth installment of the “Final Fantasy” franchise, summoning a monstrous being borne of his own malice (“Sin”) with the intent to destroy any city that showed too much reliance on technology and expansion. Sin is far from the only name alluding to religion, including those who gave their lives to battling Sin being known as “fayth” (read “faith”), thus Kelly’s leading into “trying to find heaven”. A subtler reference is made to another inherent purpose of Sin, to protect the “Dream Zanarkand” (or a spectral version of Yu Yevon’s collapsed birthplace):
“Don’t want to wake up from the dream, but it’s tearing at the seams, and it’s hurting everyone around me.”
More than expounding on a brief reference, however, Kelly alludes to the social effects of depression-induced isolation. Screamed lyrics begin to take a more growling quality as the instrumental abruptly shifts to heavy chords on guitars and synths, only to return to the steady “walking” phrases in the synth’s treble. The track waves in and out of these “dark” and “light” sounds to match screaming or singing; another brief reference to the end of Oscar Wilde’s “The Portrait of Dorian Gray” is invoked before Kelly finally descends into full growls. The range of Ryan Kelly’s vocal ability, alongside his compositional acumen, stands on full display in this EP’s title track.
The EP’s third track, “koholint/a dream that won’t come true”, starts with a slow, tender music box melody leading into swelling strings and drums. By the time Kelly’s screaming vocals kick in, the music has hit the intense crescendo we’ve come to know as characteristic of How to Care for Flowers’ sound. The lyrics of this track paint a similar picture to the last track, focusing on the isolation of depression and agoraphobia (or fear of leaving the home) and feeling as if happiness is fully unattainable.
“The years are short but these days are far too long,/I’m terrified to die, but I’m not living a life” “Mourning visions of mirrors each morning, I am haunted by happiness”
Something worth noting on this track would be Kelly’s tendency to interlace singing between screams, as opposed to the more clear-cut duality in “yu yevon (no longer human) [A LACK OF IMmeRSION]”; the track ends on a distorted near-whispering bout of singing in a lower pitch than Kelly’s usual tessitura. This presents a shocking contrast between the gentle lullaby-like opening with the harsh reality of daily life when at war with one’s mind. How to Care for Flowers stays cathartic as ever, striking only when the listener is rendered their most vulnerable to expose the depths of brooding in Ryan Kelly’s craft.
The fourth and final track of this EP, “and I could finally see the forest for the trees <how to live with that>”, opens in much the same way: stretched bass notes on synth are distorted as a crisp music box rings out above slow vibrato strings. When the drums kick in, violins join in an octave higher than the first statement of this opening motif; the string section comes together to lay a swinging, sawing rhythm as the lyrics directly refer to the picture being painted in this song:
“‘Life Gets in the Way.’/A still-life in gray, the paint chipping away.
Despite decay there’s a will that remains,/an array of rotten fruit
in a gold, gilded picture frame.”
This track’s lyrics grapple with specifically the relationship of an artist with not only the fear of death but with the notion that art functions as the artist’s legacy following their death—this can be a small comfort when one feels as if they have more life to live and more to speak on through their art than the human lifespan would allow the time for. These vocals are screamed from the beginning, yet the further the lyrics spiral into the contemplation of life’s fleeting nature, the louder the electric guitars grow as screams turn to growls. One bar especially highlights the pertinence of this theme:
“I was too complacent./Back when I saw my face in their faces.”
Here, we can assume “they” refers to the other artists that the singer was influenced by. The artist refers to their formative years, relative to their craft, as “complacency” when viewed through their own depressive, thanatophobic lens. Kelly growls for the majority of the song, descending a sliding scale that falls from growls to screams, to the occasional break in song to be interrupted by another sudden drop like a sonic roller coaster. The lyrics further touch on themes of perfectionism, concluding with a statement of regret and hesitant acceptance before an instrumental break. This break highlights Kelly’s musical talent in both, hitting the musical idiosyncrasies of symphonic metal, only for the outro to fall back into electronic drums and twinkling synths like an artist’s signature.
I cannot overstate this: When it comes to cleverly-written lyrics that strike deep at the heart of not only the fans that listen, but other artists, and solid composition that not only gets one’s head banging but acts as a love letter to the genres it falls under, How to Care for Flowers never fails to deliver. It is a marvel in itself that this was the production of only one person, and at risk of saying a word many artists rightfully roll their eyes at for its stigma, I dare say this is a mark of genius. It is only my opinion, yet I believe every great artist conveys a message through their work: Van Gogh sought to eke vibrant happiness from a tormented and dreary life, and Shelley sought to reveal the neglect of society on those “othered” by it through her narrative of Frankenstein and his Creature, and so follows How to Care for Flowers in the one-man-band’s pained cry to be heard. Not only do I hear Ryan Kelly through this art, but highly encourage our readers to hear this EP as well.
Written by Alexei Lee
