Warping, and bending, the synths of Zoya Zafar’s I don’t love you open the song on an unsteady foot. A kick drum and snare beat persists as the listener’s only anchor for balance before Zafar’s honeyed alto finally snaps our ears to attention:
“Don’t inform me/of your former glory/Don’t attach me to/all your stories”
And from just the first verse, it’s all made clear. For such a smooth and easy backing track, the feeling Zafar describes in her lyrics is that of someone who, for their own sake, must cut themselves away from a love they no longer feel. It is even uncertain that there were any feelings to begin with. As the drums pause and the synth begins to stabilize, Zafar’s lyrics become more and more certain of her decision:
“Do you know me/like I know you?/I don’t think you do/I’m walking away from you”
We hear this hook repeated at the end of the song, and thus, the implication of an unrequited connection hangs heavy over this piece; while Zafar, in her role, has listened and learned and understood, her now-ex partner seemed to have never reciprocated that consideration. As soft steel string guitars kick in to give this dreamy instrumental a little more texture, Zafar speaks of a long passed memory of a lit cigarette acting as a guiding light, once upon a time. Perhaps, when in the foggy and aimless pain of loneliness, we reach for the first light we see. Perhaps that’s not always the wisest idea, but I’m reminded of a bit of folksy wisdom my mother once shared with me: “When your pantry starts to run empty, Spam starts looking like a gourmet meal”.
To focus on the instrumental for its final transformation, the warping synth now takes a quality like the whining strings of a cello played glissando above the gentle guitar and rock-steady drumkit; the wholeness of its sound envelops the listener in a bittersweet and hesitant comfort. Deceptively calming, the entirety of this song embodies the anxiety of taking a step forward in a new direction; a step you’ve needed to take, yet avoided for so long if only out of fear. After all, what will the world be like when you no longer feel as though you have a partner to help you face it? Where will you go from here? Will
you find something better, something true, or will you find something to cherish within yourself? What beauty is there to discover, and where can it be found? While the questions can inspire wonder and curiosity, the fact that the answers remain to be seen can leave one frozen in place, should they not be careful. The changes we need in our lives to attain these answers and assuage this uncertainty, however, cannot be made in stasis.
As Zoya Zafar’s harmonizing voice fades out, we are left only with that anxious determination in the sounds surrounding us until even that falls to silence. In a past article, I spoke on the silence following a song being part of the song itself; I consider this song to fall under that same principle, as the silence here represents the singer’s resolve to continue walking away. I have witnessed attempted breakups in the past that only fall through due to a “sudden change of heart”, or to speak more honestly, due to the terror of the unknown being far too immense for one to bear without even a false sense of stability. I would like to imagine the silence following this song as Zafar refusing to yield to such fear. At a certain point, one’s respect and value of themselves should catalyze the courage necessary to walk away at last.
“I don’t love you” is a special song: It sounds like a tall drink of water while the emotional weight hits like a bucket of ice over the head. Zoya Zofar’s mastery over her sound allows her to both make her point and shed her pain through means that delight and titillate the senses. It’s a pleasure to see Zofar return to the scene with a challenge to her listeners’ hearts and minds.
Written by Alexei Lee
